Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
May the forces of evil
become confused on the way to your house.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
The secret to creativity
is knowing how to hide your sources.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Dedicated to my sister Bea, for whom smoking is a HOBBY...
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.
Suppose you were an idiot
and suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself.
I'm living so far beyond my income
that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop
until you get into the office.
Business conventions are important
because they demonstrate how many people
a company can operate without.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
I've always wanted to be somebody,
but now I see I should have been more specific.
Life is what happens to you
when you're making other plans.
God gave us all a penis and a brain,
but only enough blood to run one at a time.
There's so much comedy in television.
Does that cause comedy in the streets?
Ours is a world where people don't know what they want
and are willing to go through hell to get it.
Programming today is a race between
software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs
and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots.
So far, the universe is winning.